Performative installation by Malin Bülow
As I was wrapping up my last newsletter—about how even though we are not at fault for the bad things that happen to us, what we do with them is entirely our responsibility—I was laughing to myself remembering how genuinely frustrated I was when I first came across that concept. Like, UGHHH, WHYYY.
I roll my eyes a lot. Still, even as an adult. My acupuncturist told me recently that in the first year of seeing me, she used to get a little offended by it, until she realized that it is actually a signal of something she said striking a chord—like the teenage part of me that is like, UGHHHH FIIIIINE. I know you're right and that annoys the hell out of me. Sigh.
The thing about being human is that oftentimes, parts of ourselves resist what we know is good for us, or have other strong reactions to it. Sometimes, we learn concepts that feel like relief. This was how I felt in my mid-20s, when my first ever therapist explained to me that people's reactions and behaviors are entirely a reflection of them—their relational skills, self-awareness or lack thereof, protective mechanisms, patterns—and not about me (or you). Learning and integrating that was the first major thing that helped me stop taking everything so personally and stop seeing how people treated me as a reflection of my worth. Other times, we learn lessons or concepts that contain wisdom and some part of us is immediately like, NOPE.
We'll get into a discussion about why this is another time (hint: the parts that protest are trying to protect us), but for now, I'm so curious to know: what is the most irritating life lesson that you've ever learned? What perspective shift have you encountered that was pivotal and also brought up a lot of resistance, annoyance, and ultimately begrudging acceptance within you?
In a month's time, I will be launching a series called Life Lessons We (Used to) Hate—sharing submissions from you! All shares from the group will be anonymous. Simply email me describing an impactful lesson that you really didn't want to have to learn but was really helpful or transformative in the end.
Emotional maturity is hugely important. It is what makes healthy, effective, loving relationships possible (including our relationship with ourself). And sometimes, having to be emotionally mature is such a drag. To parts of us (or, me) anyway. To parts that are comfortable in and attached to being in suffering, or being in petulance or indignance or victimhood. Those parts exist, and are valid. With this series, my hope is for us to validate the full spectrum of our humanness and to learn from each other's unique journeys and the wisdom we've gained through them.
Again, simply email me with your lesson or story! Can't wait to hear what you've been through and what it taught you.