One of my favorite views from one of my favorite neighborhoods in Asheville <3.
This past Tuesday, July 1, was my four-year anniversary of moving to Asheville. Each year on this day, I spend time reflecting on the year passed—major events, milestones, setbacks, growth. What felt eviscerating and what felt like magic. I do this because I am contemplative by nature, but even moreso because moving to Asheville was major for me—a timeline jump, a rather drastic commitment to a belief in a new life. I moved to Asheville by myself, sight unseen, without knowing anyone. Signed a lease prior to my arrival from over 2,500 miles away. If I'm honest, I was moving away from a bevy of things as much as I was moving towards different ones. A second truth is that what I was moving towards was anchored purely in intuition, hope, and faith. I had no concrete reason to motivate or "justify" moving here; only a geyser of a gut feeling and a series of events that so effortlessly aligned, it could only be interpreted as the universe saying yes, this. So, I leapt.
The unfolding of my life in Asheville has been both nothing like I imagined and (almost) everything I hoped it would be.
This past year was hard though. This past year was not at all what I hoped or expected it would be.
Last Wednesday, the moon was new in Cancer—an already sweet new moon that was amplified by Jupiter nestled beside it. This celestial setup was being lauded as the "best" astrology of the year. The most affirming. The most life giving. The most supportive to work with in making intentions a reality.
Jupiter is known as The Great Benefic. It is a generous and gift-giving planet, expanding whatever it touches. As the natural ruler of Sagittarius, Jupiter also engages Sagittarian themes including optimism, wisdom, and faith.
As I sat in ritual on the new moon last Wednesday, reflecting on my incredibly difficult past year and letting the energies of the celestial setup wash over me, I thought to myself:
Can you have faith that good things are coming?
In widening my astrological view, I noted that the auspicious cluster of the sun, moon, and Jupiter was sitting in a square (90º angle; a tense relationship) with Saturn. Saturn is a task master, a disciplinarian. Saturn brings reality checks, setbacks, delays. It governs time. While Jupiter expands, Saturn constricts. It asks you to put in work. To mature. To show up to grow up.
This configuration, these two disparate energies that were pushing against each other in the cosmos, got me thinking about the relationship between faith and effort. Surrender and control.
I thought about the many ways that this past year challenged my faith. The expanses of time in which I lost it completely. I thought about my frequent grasping for things that are out of my control. And I thought about what is actually within my control. And about how that also matters.
Attention is our most valuable currency. Where attention goes, energy flows. When you put forth effort and don't achieve the results you desire, it can be devastating. When you ache for something for your entire life and it keeps not coming to pass, it is so easy to feel forgotten, resigned, hopeless—to lose trust and faith, while also clinging for dear life for the thing to materialize. It is so real and human and also such a disempowering state to be stuck in. So much of the timing of life's unfolding is not in our control. While a harsh truth to hold, accepting what is out of our control allows us to channel our energy towards what is: our efforts, our wellbeing, our connections, our creativity, our activism, our rest, our joy. Our growth, our integrity, our love. How we show up to this world. Which is its own act of creation, of materialization, of magick.
Faith is as much about believing in the benevolence of the universe—that spirit hasn't forgotten about you—as it is about believing in the wisdom gained from the singular winding of your own path and that the efforts you put forth will yield, in time. It is allowing yourself to grieve the losses fully, and then accept them. It is the returning to yourself, to your life, and to infinite possibility, over and over again.